You’ve had enough.
You’ve loved. You’ve lost.
You have no desire to go through it again.
You are ready to go on permanent guy-atus.
Then you read this letter by Emily Bracken posted on Medium and reposted on HuffPo. It’s astonishingly self-aware.
Dear Future Love of My Life:
I know. I should have written before. Forgive me. But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But I do. And I wanted to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four-leaf clovers, I’m close. I’m around the corner, down the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a complete stranger. I made eyes at you once on the subway. I saw you across the room at a party. But it’s not our time yet. And I know you’re wondering why.
It’s really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for less relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night. I’m so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation. So, here it goes. It’s taken me a long time to even admit this to myself much less to you, so please know that everything I’ve written here is true.
The reasons we haven’t met yet, in no particular order:
1. I haven’t thrown out the list of things I think you should be.
2. I’m with the wrong person right now.
3. I’m not ready to be loved unconditionally.
4. Since my life isn’t together, I think you’ll reject me.
5. I still believe that drama is a show of love.
6. I’ve been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart.
7. I need to date more to understand what I do and don’t like.
8. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass.
9. I’m too focused on my own needs.
10. I don’t know how to create the feeling of home that lives in my heart.
Clearly, I’m not my best self yet. Or even myself — I’m still figuring out who that is. I’m pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn’t like me all that much right now. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your number and never called because of any one of the above reasons.
Maybe we already went on a few dates, but I was too overwhelmed to truly be the best version of ” Me ”
Writing this, I now realize that I’m already aware, learning and finding my way towards where we will meet once again.
With love, from an open heart.
Tags: | Maxim | NYC Entrepreneur Magazine
Hi Cecilia, welcome back to our website, i know you have more news for us…about your work.
“Thank you dear, i definitely have great and exciting news.
What are the new important developments in your business/career?
“I am currently working on a few entreprenour projects, one is my psychological book, which is called ‘The Aspect of Abnormal’ and is about Freud psychology and my opinion on conservative psychology being ‘out of date’ and how abnormal psychology has become modern psychology, in a smooth transaction.
We as human beings, have evolved or rather expanded to a level, that our diagnostics can not follow, and abnormal is the new normal, people are getting more complicated, its in our new DNA, and as spirituality has grown and created better awareness in people, interested in bringing consciousness to the highest level, we are becoming more creative, however more sensitive to our surroundings.
I have a business trip to Alexandria in Egypt, very soon, to meet up with a potential partner, to create my own Egyptian jewelry line.
I have been drawn to the Ancient Egypt and the Mayans, since i was a teenager, and i have carried a big ‘Eye of RA’ in a gold chain, for 15 years now, ‘the eye of RA’ was the ancient god who stood for protection, strength, and immortality. Recently my grandmother gave me a beautifully handcrafted golden Egyptian ring, which is also 15 years old.
I value jewelry with a history, and mostly see it as a symbol, an energetic power, that can help manifest your purpose in life, and puts you on the right frequenzy.
I have am exhited to say, that i have been offered my own column at NYC Entrepreneur Magazine, to write about Fashion, Travel, and perhaps psychology.
I have such a passion for writing, it gives me the flexibility to move freely, enjoying the mystery of the world, spending my days or evenings, by the ocean, or any beautiful view, boosting my creative ideas, taking a walk in a mysterious forest with my little dog, when i am not keeping up on scientific developments or the super natural of the world”.
“Modeling is fun and makes me a perfectionist, but i do not do that much ‘still work’ at the moment, however i do walk in fashion shows, and have photo sessions lol. Next month i am doing a shoot for Maxim, see thats the fun part”.
A woman so busy, where do you find energy to do it all? What is your secret?
“Funny, i actually do not feel too busy, probably because there is no line between work and play for me; i have always had a creative mind set and i am a classic HSP personality, which means i have been focused from an early age, wanting to explore my curiosity for life, i sleep a lot, take care of myself, so i have more energy doing the day, to be constructive and strategic about my day, and the things i need or want to do”.
Now, do you need every day long 48 hours not 24 hours, to do all!
“I don’t work all the time, rather in concentrations, but when i do, we work 12 hours a day on set, or when writing or developing creative projects,i am usually at some rooftop with a great view, or at home with the laptop, but i definitly have a different schedule, but rarely have to get up early”.
And about love? Always single or have you found your soul mate?
“Honestly, i have gotten used to the carefree nature of being single, but i am never alone.
I see similar qualities in my friends, as i would look for in a partner, only thing is, that i know exactly what i want, nevertheless what it takes for me to be better in a relationship, than not, so far, not many has convinced me, or challenged me enough.
However, as the saying goes ‘you can not judge a book by its cover’ it seems to me that people have a rather primitive approach to each other these days, rather than having a focus on the most important intellectual chemistry, and i easily feel provoced by ‘less evolved’ men.
In other words, i need a highly intelligent intellectual, with the same interests as myself”.
Which are your future work projects?
“As for the entertainment industry, my beloved playground, that truly allows me to constructively spend my high level of energy (at least mentality) lol.
Well, i have a few upcoming movies, but i cannot talk about it just yet, but my private project, that will hopefully turn into a work passion as well, is my interest for Art, and i am starting Art classes in october in New York.
I have always felt drawn to historical Art, so taking classes in abstract Art, is new to me, but i value it deeply.
I have a desire to create beautiful paintings in a buddhistic style, in the name of love”.
Your friend Claudia Romani is now in tv in Paris in the ‘Secret Story’ and you? It is a decide for you to participate in similar tv show?
“I definitely admire Claudia`s passion and drive for her work, and I’m sure we both agree, that if your work is your passion, or you are your work, it brings it to a whole new level, which the more conservative people do not understand, it is about finding freedom to make your work into play.
Both Claudia and I, left Europe for a reason, as i am or have been so very misunderstood, not taken seriously, it kills electric souls like us, that knows there is more to life, than the standard prescription on how to live the narrow-minded way.
I do not like to participate in Shows like big brother and the secret story, because i would feel trapped, and do not like to feel cut of from my surroundings”
In New York or on a trip trough all of USA?
“I recently got an Agency in NYC, and the owner of it, is a warm hearted person, that you can tell, genuinely cares about his actors, he also specializes in european talents.
Also i have an Agency in Amsterdam, but the last year or so, i have mostly been in NYC, and since all my friends, and professional network, are all here, and have been through the last 5 years i have spent here, this is where i need to be.
But i often spent a month at a time,in Europe, Italy,Denmark, Spain, and yet have wonderful places to go, but i have since child, always been traveling around the world with my parents, so i have already seen most of the world”.
And your summer holidays? Which countries or cities have you visited?
“I am actually leaving NYC in a week, to spend a few weeks in my home town, and then my plan is for my little dog and I, to go to Santorini or Capri a few weeks”.
Writer or journalist or psychologist or jewelry or actress or art teacher or painter? Tell me, who is Cecilia?
“Well, i believe the right title for a multi talent, is ‘entrepreneur’, so that is what i use myself lol”.
Finally my website is up and running(thanks to my dear friend Rafael that turned 3 days into 3 weeks, being the “party girl” he is haha).
This summer has been quite a balance to master, but so many exciting things following, with everything i have worked on creating, yet it took me a little to get back to my usual NYC self, after a rather peaceful, laid back, though painfully boring time in my home country, Denmark, where time, yet view, is all you have, so i reflected a lot, but coming back to the hectic city, was more stressful than ever, so i realized it took me a few weeks to leave my shadow, and get my electric self back, powerfully recharged.However i am more motivated and driven than ever, and for those who does not know about current projects, please check my bio in “about”…..:)The other day i had the great pleasure of meeting a wonderful woman, and amazing Artist, Caroline, http://www.carolinebergonzi.com, She creates powerful metallic sculptures in all sizes, and her biggest piece is standing tall in the form of a great Phoenix, at Riverside and 68 street. Caroline herself, is originally from Monaco.
I factually met myself another ” Gran Danoise ” a sweet flower child named Valentin, and she and I have decided to stick together, and find us a townhouse near the waterfront in New Jersey, living in the city is chaotic, as much as dirty, and i heard a parot talk about the better space and air “over there”.
Finally, but not least we have our upcoming yearly Classic Car Rally coming up, just before i leave for Europe and the Amalfi Coast or Santorini, to get my new book going;One can only hope that Tarik Wildman is in his (these days rarely) behavioral mote, not to speak of his 12 sexy cars, that has loyally been following around the world.
I have since early childhood. been captivated by the 1800/1900 quite historic Century, “The Victorian period” ancient weapons, the very artistic and rather elegant houses , with amazing details, secret rooms, and the history that follows.
I have spent my life investigating the paranormal bridge between our world, and the spiritual one, and its quite interesting how most of our ” supernatural ” history, also has its roots from that time.
Vampires where set around that period, with its first rapports by people claiming to have seen them with there own eyes, or the famous Count Dracula from Transylvania in Romania.
Same century for developing the technology of “ghost capturing ” on photographs, as well as Charles Darwin & Samuel Morse, making history.
I go to Museums and Galleries as much as i can, to find inspiration, and widen my horizons for details in general.
I particular like the Metropolitan Museum in NYC, and the other day, i went with my dear friend David Pullman, who is a wonderful Artist, full of color and life.
Right now, they have an exhibition with not only Egypt, but China as well.
I have travelled a lot in both Egypt and China, and i am fascinated by Egyptian mythology and its ancient history, with similarities to the Mayans in Peru, premonitions, mystical forces, and energies, drawings of otherworldly “helpers ” and the fact thats its scientifically proven, by archaeology founds, that we are getting some what dumber, they have found proof of machines , tools and furniture, that where dated back to them. Astrology where invented, mapped and used as tools to predict, even control, the world.
As for China, i went on a 3 weeks trip through the beautiful and magical landscape, i went to this area named Guilin, which is near the Shadow mountains, with wild nature.
Regretfully we only spent very short time there, but its a little mountain village mainly used by writers to retreat, they had these huge birds called Cormorant´s, they dive down and pick up fish, and throw them in the bamboo boats, and are almost bigger than eagles.
At home i have a few ancient weapons from the 1800 century, a beautiful red Samurai sword, a spanish sable, also several Egyptian artifacts, like a 15 years old Egyptian ring, and the necklace i always wear, with the eye of RA, all in in pure gold.
I took a few pictures of the stunning paintings, with amazing details:
As i am getting my blog up to date again, i would like to share a story from my never ending childhood curiosity, regarding ” the other world ” or what i like to call it, ” the parallel universe “….
As most of my friends around the world knows, i have always been sensitive to especially that world, and have my share of experiences.
For those who don’t know me that well, i have been cooperating with “Ghost Hunters ” for years, for scientific research from the Center of Paranormal, in London.
Our job is mainly to record and video tape, everything that we have come across, and or experienced.
Starting my own “near death ” experience many years ago, i had a minor accident, being hospitalized, waking up on intensive care, being told i had been dead a few minutes…
i remember waking up, being so annoyed by tubes stuck everywhere, i pulled it out and sat up, reaching for something, i saw from ” the other side” i don’t quite remember what, only to see my grandmother sitting next to me, she was a very spiritual and wise woman, possibly the strongest person I’ve ever know.
i remember feeling no pain, and was ready to walk right out and go home.
Here is my first encounter with the paranormal:
When i was about 5 years old, my brother shared a room with me, having colic, so i often woke at midnight, trying to comfort him.
one night i for some reason, went to the living room, and whir standing there, an old woman dressed in white with something that looked like ballerina shoes, hanging on her feet, her floating above ground, i got scared and hid under the living room table, only for her to float over and bend down looking at me under the table…..
in that moment my dad came running in, asking me to go to sleep, pulled me out, and the lady vanished. i never told my parents, but years later, my mum said to me ” don’t you remember having that guardian angel, when you where a kid ” .